Sharp Funeral Home buries Michelob Ultra……Heim wins for the first time and Kasperbauer Cleaners bows out of league!

 

Tears rolled from Ultra Nation! 

It was a somber night as Supper League’s most popular team Michelob Ultra was demolished by the caskets of the Sharp Funeral Home 7 to 1. CK Curt Kirsch played well but Cable Guy Chad Kanne came out as the victor. Windstar’s Pat Greteman was truly a star by clobbering Bud Three Steve Hans Auen. Greteman shot a great round of 38 in the victory which in normal weeks would be low enough for low net. The head casket himself Kyle Atkinson wasn’t complaining about anything including high handicaps this week as he took care of Mouthpiece Mike Franey.  Bud Two Troy Auen tied Peterman Tony Pietig. The tie and Auen’s closest to the pin award on #8 was the only points for the Ultra. The beer team dropped to third just ahead of the funeral home team and the Carroll Glass Company. Security Mike Schulz and Long time subscriber, former top local amateur, highly successful and very veteran golfer Craig Mertz were not in action.

HD of Carroll was the team of the night pounding a man short OH BOBBY. All winners for the Harleys…..Head Hog Terry Ruchti, Wild Wade Adams, Jamming Joe Pawlosky and Jerry Janson were all winners. Adams was the low net individual on the back 9.

The Harleys sit atop of the league 1.5 points ahead of Carpet One Floor & Home. The carpets beat Supper League’s most mature team Stiff Sticks. Larry Doc Sporrer keeps his MVP hopes alive with another win for the sticks beating Jon Sturm(he is so far ahead in the MVP race). Fairway Frank Comito tied Colin Bierl. Brad Hempstead and Jace Pettitt beat Trusty Mike Nelson and Tony Schultes respectively. Bud One Jim Auen cited fear as the reason he opted out of the league to attend the College World Series. Brad Hempstead nailed the longest putt on #18 to do something for the team.  

Teflon Jon Heim?

Carroll Glass had the best night in team history by beating Champion Ford 11 to 1 with the help of long-time subscriber, former top local amateur, highly successful and very veteran golfer Craig Mertz’s son Nebraska Nate Mertz. Captain Jon Heim was all smiles as he won for the first time this year by beating Tyler Putney. This was the second win of the day for Heim as he beat Chad Kanne in the season-long match play prior to the league to advance out of the pod. Very interesting that Captain Jon had all the time in the world for after-match interviews. A confidential unverified source tells this report that the Lake City Times from Hazard County is coming to town to do a documentary on the success of Heim. In addition to the documentary look for Heim on Saturday as he is being honored as the head clown at the Western Days rodeo. Eric Wunschel didn’t need all of his handicap to win his match.  Mertz was low gross on the front nine since his Dad was not playing and longest putt on #9. Wunschel shot net nothing for low net honors. No winners for the out-of-gas cars. 

Westside State Savings Bank beat Full Swing Golf with the low gross shooter Matty Boy Fleshner. Bill Beck and Karl Christensen also won for the bankers. The only loser for the bankers was Aaron Ahrendsen who lost to Brett Pietig. Drew Munson knocked it close on #17.  

The hot weather strengthened the plants of  Graddy’s Tomatoes giving them the strength to beat Champion Chrysler 6 to 3. Tomato John beat Tuxy Wade Wilkie, Rowdy Rick Grote beat Bill Schwabe. Monument Man Loren Boyce was the only winner for the cars.

Anytime Fitness earned two points from par which was the previous Kasperbauer Cleaners team who officially withdrew from Supper League prior to action in week 10. Ryan Filloon was the only winner for the gym goers.

Overall the Michelob Ultra team would like to reinsure Ultra Nation that they are only 2 points out of the lead. It's go time. 

Welcome to new subscribers Tyler Big Country Auen and our bartender Laura Sweeney!

Respectively Submitted

Mouthpiece

Happy Father's Day!.....Member Guest a huge success…..Bud 8 loses in league debut……Haluska loses to the Ultras again!!!!!!!

 

The Golf Report Report being written at 38,000 feet

This report comes to you from the mobile office of The Golf Report 38,000 feet in the air aboard Southwest Airlines flight 854 from Fort Lauderdale to Chicago. The captain has turned on the fasten seat belt sign and the beverage service has been suspended due to turbulence.

Mother Nature has been actively involved on Tuesday nights this year but Supper League must go on even if it was a hot night with cattle warnings issued in Carroll County.

Your Michelob Ultra team fell to second place Carpet One Floor and Home 5.5 to 4.5 and still sits atop the Supper League. Long time subscriber, former top local, highly successful and very veteran golfer Craig Mertz once again beat the boy in a close one! Better luck next time Nater! Bud Three Steve Hans Auen the only other winner for the Ultras beating Shellie’s husband Sean who was sending taunting texts prior to the league to this publisher. This behavior has continued on from the member guest shenanigans of the Happy Haluska Boys. This marks twice now that SH has subbed and faced the Ultra team. Clearly, if someone needs to call him to sub they better check who their opponents are because his nerves just can’t handle such above-referenced competition. The head carpet remnant Colin Bierl beat Bud Two Troy Auen. Brad Hempstead topped the recent 2022 Kuemper Catholic graduate and newest member of the Ultra team Tyler, Big Country, Smalls, Auen. He has more nicknames than points he has scored for Supper’s League's most popular team. Security Mike Schulz was unavailable for action as he was enjoying a procedure at St. Anthony Regional Hospital that is recommended for those of us around the age of 50. CK Curt Kirsch requested an excused absence so he could spend some quality time with Kimmy! The Ultra team remains 2.5 strokes ahead of the flooring company who now offers electric fireplaces. One has to wonder where Commercial Savings Bank’s safety deposit box director Kevin Milligan was. It does take a tole losing to the bank CFO time and time again. Sources tell this report that he may have even scheduled a vacation to avoid squaring off with the Long time subscriber, former top local, highly successful and very veteran golfer Craig Mertz.

HD of Carroll clobbered Supper’s League most mature team Stick Sticks sending the sticks into dead last. This is the lowest standing in team history! Larry Doc Sporrer was the only point getter for the sticks getting one point from no one as the cycles played one Harley down! Wild Wade Adams and Head Hog Terry Ruchti were winners for the cycles. The Stiff Sticks has scheduled a team meeting to evaluate their future so this report will be sure to provide updates on that meeting. Bud One Jim Auen will have a very well-organized spreadsheet available I am sure.  

Champion Ford barely squeezed the juice out Graddy’s Tomatoes 6.5 to 4.5. Josh Sporrer and Farmer Boy Clint Cummings beat Tomato John and Dr. Decay for the cars. Tyler Putney tied Tator Tot Tim Gute. A sub from the famous Pettitt stable of golfers Jace Pettitt was the only winner for the Tomatoes.

Everyone likes Tator Tots! 

Full Swing Golf blanked Kasperbauer Cleaners who appeared to forget that Supper League was still on Tuesday nights. John and Drew Munson, Brett Pietig and Ryan Lynch were all winners for the swingers. Maybe the cleaners need to add a team recurring calendar reminder to remind them that the league is on Tuesday nights.  

Sharp Funeral battled to a pillow fight tie with Anytime Fitness. Numbers Bob Muhlbauer and Windstar’s backup bus driver Pat Greteman beat BV Brandon Vonnahme and Badding Constructions head nail puller Tony Badding respectively. One of Papa Joe’s boys Adam beat the head casket himself Kyle Atkinson. This report will anticipate a well thought excuse about why he lost. Austin Scott was also a winner for the gym rats. Speaking of Papa Joe where is he at? The last time he was seen by this report he was just south of the four green at the Carroll Municipal Golf Course discussing life events with The Legend Joel Harris.

Champion Chrysler played one cylinder down and drove all over OH BOBBY 7 to 1. Monument Man Loren Boyce, Clothier Wade Wilkie and Koster(could not read Brian’s writing) were all winners for the car company. Mike Soe the only point getter for OH BOBBY. Losers included Easy Ed Cutler, Brian Widdell and Dr. Ron Cheney.

Westside State Savings Bank topped The Carroll Glass Company. The Glass Company’s recent slide in the standings brings into question the motivation that team Captain Jon Heim is bringing to the team. Head Teller Bick Beck, Karl Christensen and Matty Boy Fleshner were all winners for the bankers while the head glass cutter himself Andy Reiman was the only winner for the plate glasses. John Heim provided no after match comments to explain the team's performance(mainly I guess because this publisher was basking in the sun in the Dominican Republic).

Drew Munson and Craig Mertz shared the low gross on the front 9 with even par rounds of 37.

Wild Wade Adams was the low net individual on the back nine with a nice round of 42.

Tator Tot Tim Gute was the low gross individual on the back nine with a one over par round of 35.

Burnt Tator Tot and Tyler Putney shared back nine honors for low net.

Nebraska Nate Mertz who lost again to his Dad knocked it closest on #8

Josh Sporrer was closest to the pin on 17

Jon Heim did something for the team and nailed the longest putt on #9(still lost his match)

No Name sunk the longest putt on 18.

Supper League Standings! 

A big shout out to the committee, Carroll Country Club staff, grounds crew and membership for hosting a very successful member guest tournament that was enjoyed by all! Thanks to the Lidderdale Country Store and Baratta’s Catering for providing the food. 

Champions Mike Franey and John Dukes

  

 

Laura Sweeney celebrating with the Champs! 

Respectfully Submitted,

Mouthpiece

June 22, 2022                     IGCSA Event

June 27, 2022                     St. Anthony Outing

July 3, 2022                         4^th of July Event

July 15, 2022                       Chamber Golf Outing

July 20 & 21                         Papa Joe Classic

July 29, 2022                       ParTee Classic

August 7, 2022                    CCC Club Championship

August 28, 2022                  Bill Franey Open

September 5, 2022              Labor Day Event

September 17, 2022           Rivalry Cup

October 15, 2022                Harvest Cup

Wade Wilkie scores first hole in one.......Dukes fires a shot.......Ultra rolls with Schulz as MVP in his 2022 debut!

 

Wade's first hole in one! 

Oh what a night it was last night at the Carroll Country Club! Long-time golfer and Carroll Country Club member Wade Willkie scored his first hole in one on the par three #4. He described the moment with joy and was very grateful that it finally happened after several close encounters. Congratulations Wade!  

A couple hours before supper league the trash-talking started for this weeks upcoming member guest golf tournament. John Dukes fired a shot at the Happy Haluska boys that was heard from more than three hours away. The email thread fizzled into a four-person text messaging exchange of taunting, name-calling and opinions being given. Rumors that were not confirmed by this report indicate that the Haluska’s petitioned the member guest committee to be removed from the flight that included Dukes and this Mouthpiece for this weekend's tourney! The irony struck like a bolt of lightning as the Sean Haluska strutted his stuff onto the tarmac in front of the Carroll Country Club pro shop to sub for the Anytime Fitness team. Not in his wildest dreams did he think that he would be playing this Mouthpiece and Supper League’s most popular team Michelob Ultra.

It was a huge night for the Ultra as they clobbered the fitter Anytime team. Mike Schulz dusted off his clubs for the first time this year and took down Austin Scott! Schulz showed incredible touch with his chipping irons which proved too much for the marketing CEO! Long-time subscriber, former top local, highly successful and very veteran golfer Craig Mertz showed exactly who is the best golfer at the Commercial Savings Bank by beating Kevin Milligan. A dejected Milligan said in a post-round interview “What do you want me to say he is just better.” As this publisher left the table Milligan mumbled something like “He plays 20-30 holes every day he should be good.” Keep practicing Mills! Bud Two Troy Auen rallied to tie Cody Forch. You could cut the silence with a knife as Mouthpiece Mike Franey immediately took control of the match and beat Sean Huluska with authority. Enough said! 

A great night for your Ultra team with a 9-1 win. With the win, the Ultra team stretched the Supper League lead to 3.33 over Carpet One Floor & Home. Mertz won low gross and low net.

The carpets beat Carroll Glass 6-2. Keith Pottebaum was the only winner for the glass company who were playing without their General Manager Andy Reiman. Brad Hempstead beat Benton Snyder, Colin Bierl beat Lidderdale’s Brad Stork and one of Papa Joe’s twins beat John Heim. Captain Heim was visibly discouraged and said “I am going to get a fishing pole and take up fishing.” Better rally the troops, Andy!

Sharp Funeral Home playing one short tied 5-5 with the tomatoes of Graddy’s Tomatoes. Peterman Tony Pietig and Pat Greteman were winners. Rowdy Rick Grote and Tator Tot Tim Gute were winners for the tomatoes. Pat Greteman nailed the closest to the pin on #8.  

Champion Ford flattened the tires of HD of Carroll 8-2. Jerry Janson was the only winner for the cycles. John Baratta, Josh Sporrer and Farmer man Clint Cummings were winners for the car company.

Full Swing Golf rudely disrespected their elders and spanked the Stiff Sticks despite both teams playing one man short. Wade Pettitt came out of the shop to beat Larry Doc Sporrer, Ryan Lynch beat Colin Shultes. Fairway Frank Comito and Brett Pietig each score one point for their teams. Pettitt was low gross and low net.

Champion Chrysler robbed the Westside Savings Bank 7-2. Hole in one Wade Wilkie, Monument Man Loren Boyce and Koster were winners for the cars. Josh Sporrer collected the closest to the pin on 17.

OH BOBBY beat a half full Kasperbauer Cleaners team 5 -2. Easy Ed Cutler and Brian Widdell were winners. Giddy up Wyatt Haukap won for the cleaners.

John Baratta and Rowdy Rick Grote were the longest putt winners. 

The 2022 version of the Member Guest Golf Tourney kicks off with practice rounds tomorrow and fierce action Friday and Saturday. Thanks to the committee who have put in a lot of work to make this event a success. Welcome to Carroll players! 

Respectfully submitted, 

Mouthpiece

Here are some important dates to remember 

May 30, 2022 Memorial Day Event 

June 3-4, 2022 Member/Guest 

June 10-11, 2022 Carroll Amateur 

June 22, 2022 IGCSA Event 

June 27, 2022 St. Anthony Outing 

July 3, 2022 4th of July Event 

July 15, 2022 Chamber Golf Outing 

July 20 & 21 Papa Joe Classic 

July 29, 2022 ParTee Classic 

August 7, 2022 CCC Club Championship 

August 28, 2022 Bill Franey Open 

September 5, 2022 Labor Day Event 

September 17, 2022 Rivalry Cup 

October 15, 2022 Harvest Cup